Meagan Claire

mom: “Did you brush your hair this morning?”
me: “No.”

What am I, 5? So I don’t brush my hair. It gets static!

Today, I got texted that Hyacinth the goat had twins. However, my mom wasn’t at the farm to deliver this news. Instead, it came from my Dad who could have easily mistaken twin baby goats for a couple of dogs. Or one baby goat and another regular goat. So there’s no proof; when there is, I’ll let you know.

I blow my nose a lot at work. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s so cold at work that my hands are always icecubes. When I’m cold, I get tired, when I’m tired, I yawn, when I yawn, my eyes water, and when my eyes water, my nose runs. Blech.

Best purchase of 2009 so far? Netflix. I finally subscribed. If you have $5-$10 lying around a month, here’s something worthwhile to put it in to. I don’t have a lot of time to go to the theater like I used to. And to be honest, if you don’t have an Angelika or Magnolia-type near you, there’s no point in going. What is better than sitting in your own house, in your pajamas, eating your own perfectly buttered kettle-corn, wrapped up in an ancient quilt, and watching a movie that you might not actually be caught dead seeing in a theater? And it’s dirt cheap. Cheaper than dirt, probably. I bought a 50 lb bag of sand for like $15 I think.

Best purchase of 2008: Flickr membership.

Last week, I got two special packages from the USPS both with notes apologizing for the delay and damage. What was in these packages? Junk mail for people who no longer work here.

This song is amazing. For this song, my car speakers can’t be loud enough.

Speaking of blowing my nose, I thought my vog cough ‘n’ wheeze was pretty much under wraps. I mean, I do blow my nose about every two seconds, and I am still clearing my throat – two issues I’ve never before dealt with when not in strep-mode. But, it seems to be worse than I thought. I hadn’t even bee conscious of how much I’d been clearing my throat until the following happened:

Genius McAdorable: “Are you okay?”
me: “Yes.”
Genius McAdorable: “You don’t sound so great.”

Yes, I’m calling him Genius McAdorable. I decided that “Adorable Nerd Prodigy Who is So Stinkingly Adorable That He Makes Me Giggle For No Apparent Reason” was just too long.

I’ve known this lady for, like, fifteen years, and she is so near and dear to my heart because when I was an obnoxious (no, I was never obnoxious) preteen, she taught a Bible class that my girlfriends and I still remember fondly. However, a couple of weeks ago, she committed an atrocity so heinous that I’m only able to put it out of my mind (after this paragraph) because of the aforementioned favor. What was this travesty, you may inquire? She attempted to make me an Avon lady.

Now, for only a brief moment I considered this proposal. My fanship of Danny Elfman and Johnny Depp made me lean toward an inkling desire to portray Peg, and knock on my neighbor’s doors in a land where all of the houses are the same, but painted brilliant candy colors. And then I remembered – oh wait, I sold Mary Kay for like 20 seconds, couldn’t give rid of the same products for 5 years, and my only customer was my grandma, who loves me so much that she’d buy pocket lint if I was selling it.

This woman told me that it’s much better than Mary Kay – so easy that it sells itself! Avon must surely be amazing if it will sell itself from the depths of my closet without a peep from me.

I bought a giant cookie for a co-worker’s birthday, and it’s HUGE! The store told me the smaller one would only feed six people. I should have known they were probably talking about giant obese American portions. Next week, Oreo cheesecake from the Factory. Still looking for GF bakery, but how awesome is it that I get to order non-grocery store cake?

Every day, I do something stupid at work due to my inability to focus on boring things. Then I feel really horrible about it. I just try to swallow and head out to the next idiotic movie. Here’s an example, and it’s not even that bad. On the scale of stupid things I do at work, this is laughable. It’s all laughable, but some of them are more detrimental than others. So anyway, I had to get some house-related documents notarized yesterday. I went down with my boss, who also needed some. The notary asked me what I had and I said, “I don’t know,” just right there next to my boss. I had a sudden flashback to when Dr. Dickey asked me what I had learned that day and I said, “Nothing.”

What’s worse is that my boss responded for me. “She’s buying her dad’s house,” and it took will power to sedate myself and not whimper, “What?!”

I am a home-owner (INO). I wasn’t aware that making the house my “homestead” for tax purposes meant that my name would be on official documents.

I’m, um, looking for housemates.

The house is still for sale, and acquiring a new broker to replace the one who can’t manage to lock a door behind herself.

If the house sells, I have to move out, and the only thing currently more terrifying to me than living in a cavernous house by myself is the prospect of separating with the home of my youth. I wish I could stay there, as without furniture, there is plenty of room for me to turn the downstairs living room into a studio. What could be greater than that? And, my new kitchen-aid looks really great in my old kitchen! The Lyles are right, my house is perfect.

The military suicide rate is up. In 2004, a Marine 11 months out of Iraq asked his father if he could sit in his lap and be rocked. The next day, he hung himself. Can you imagine our strong Marines needing that comfort?

Family with five children: Father left a suicide note before he killed his children and wife. He and his wife lost their jobs and determined it was better to be dead. Black Tuesday? Stock brokers jumping out windows?

Are you panicked yet about the economy? I’m in limbo between afraid and thrilled. Afraid for the world and for safety, but thrilled at the prospect of a place to go where I can work with my hands and not be too concerned about it.

But the original point – are you afraid? Just in the last two week, there’s been an influx of stories related to job losses. We appear to be headed down a slippery slope, and with my educated mind, I know it’s true, however due to my mistrust of the media, a wary part of my mind doesn’t believe the stories. 1) Why would the media be honest about what is going on? Aren’t they owned by government to spread lies, deceit, and comforting thoughts? Everything is okay with Big Daddy Government? Maybe they’re playing to our sympathies for Obama – “be kind, he’s trying”. Or, since wars are started for economic boosts, maybe they’re prepping us to band together like The Great Depression and …I don’t know what I can end that with. I don’t have a gun.

But it looks like Larry and Evan have enough to share now.

Enough depressing stuff! Listen to this! (You’ve probably all heard it by now since I’m a blogging week or two behind.) Someone hacked traffic signs in Austin! “Zombies ahead! Run for your lives!” What can I say? I am proud this happened in Texas.

Sometimes I read this blog type thing called The Frisky. Mostly, it’s uninteresting. And this may have come from Oprah.com. I don’t remember, but here’s an excerpt and my response:

“Once a lady’s been put through the emotional wringer a few (dozen) times, she gets a little wary. A little closed off. She can start to mistrust her judgment. Second-guess her gut. Worry she’s going to die alone, leaving behind a feline gnawed corpse and a stack of tear-stained Netflix romantic comedies.”

Cancel my Netflix? No way!

Sidenote: How is it that “judgment” doesn’t have an “e” between the “g” and “m”?

Lenin looks like Leonard DeCraprio. Who, by the way, looks rather dreamy in Romeo + Juliet. Which, by the way, is a terrible movie that I need subtitles and a translator for. I saw it recently – through Netflix.

I read scientists have bred a new strain of flood tolerant rice. It can live seventeen days under water. My question: What does this grain contain that will make me sick?

I know someone who went to Berkely – he’s wonderful, but a complete loon. So the fact that Berkely claims to have developed materials that will create an invisibility cloak doesn’t surprise me. With all these free, uninhibited thinkers, it was bound to happen. One word: AWESOME.

Also, a couple of schools have successfully teleported atoms. Or info in an atom, I’m not sure. However, they say we won’t be teleporting people any time soon. “There’s way too many atoms, ” Gordon Monroe says, “At the other end of the transported, you need to have some blob of atoms that represents Captain Kirt, but has no info in it. I mean, what would that look like?” Big Bang Theory, anyone? Ha!

Mexican: “Carla?”
me: “No sir, we’re a law firm.”
Mexican: “You speak Spanish?”
me: “No, sir.”
Mexican: “Okay. What I want is to do is to report a complaint about flooding in my building.”
me: “Sir, we’re an intellectual property firm. We deal in patents, trademarks, and copyrights. Not in floods.”
Mexican: “Uh, you have another number I can call?”
me: “No, sir.”
Mexican: “See, what happened was…”
me: “I’m sorry, sir.”
Mexican: “Who can I call?”
me: “Your insurance company, maybe?”
Mexican: “Uh, see, we don’t have insurance.”

Intellectual Property: Obviously too intellectual for some.

Occasionally, it’s me.

I don’t know Bob Brady, chairman of the House Administration Committee, but I like him. He warned the Capitol Visitor Center operators not to buy souvineers from China, but they did any way. Now, he will not allow them to be old. Good man! “They made the mistake, they can send them back.” Way to make a 1-Man Stand!

See? Anybody can do it. Just do it.

I wrote him a letter. Of thanks.

You want to fix the economy? Buy American! “The European commission on Thursday said it might challenge such a move if it were signed into law.” Uh, so what? We’re America – not Europe. (the “Buy American” provision) So don’t make it a law. Just be a man and resolve to do so. Or “cowboy up” as we say in the real world (i.e. South)

Anyway, what did we do in the Great Depression? How did it start? How did we get out of it? A bailout? Er, no. Currently, this is the only piece of American history I’m interested in. American history is boring.

I had no reason to dislike Rudy Giuliana until he defended using 18 billion to give bonus’ to high-rise morons whose companies are swirling down a sewage drain bonus’ in 2008. His reasoning? Denying these bonus’ will reeeeally expand unemployment, cutting down on money spent eating out and shopping. Are you kidding? Ever think maybe that’s our problem? Too much shopping beyond our means and eating out beyond our belts?

Watch out, it’s coming! Something you pro-working ladies won’t want to hear!

Protest all you want, teachers, but we all have to take cuts. It’s time for parents to bring their kids home to school, and women to give their jobs to a providing husband!

Unfortunately, there’s one detail that I didn’t count on until Mom blew a giant hole in my “save the economy by staying home” trip: single mothers.

Oh sin, how you’ve stripped me of my job. That and a 50% divorce rate in America, and even more people with kids who never even bothered to marry.

(That’s why I like Twilight – it gives young girls some silly romantic notion about getting married. There’s even a handsome hero who insists on it.)

Here’s something I read that was funny: People are skipping the bar scene in favor of something called a PlayDate. They go to a specified location to play games with strangers. “You’ll talk to anyone while you’re playing games, because you’re trying to beat them.” It’s true. Small things like this make me wonder about America and when we’re going to have our next Revival. Maybe it’ll start with a Revolution? A Ron Paul Revolution?

I hear rumor that MJ is trying to make Thriller into a Broadway show. I hope that moron trying to stop him doesn’t get very far. This is a Broadway show I am actually compelled to see! RENT? Pshaw, no! THRILLER!

LOST? Sorry, so boring. Get to the point already.

Betcha didn’t know: Democratic Representative Jared Polis is the first openly gay male elected to Congress as a freshman (I don’t know what this means). His family owns Blue Mountain, and Jared started that website we’ve probably all used to send annoying animated musical cards to people when we’re too lazy to send the real thing.

I looked up this guy named Peter Cincotti because I heard he was a 25 year old jazz pianist. He sings, too, apparently. Problem is – he’s lousy. Not lousy so much as just plain not good. Let’s just say, he’s got nothing on Jamie Cullum. I was so disappointed. He’s not even remotely pleasant to listen to. And let’s face it, with Jamie, Buble, and Connick JR, why would anybody?

1800Flowers has bonsai of-the-month. You would not believe how insanely excited I am about this. The bonsais range from dull Junipers to Plum trees! Pomegranate! Hawaiian Umbrellas! And… Bougainvillea, which is a weed in Hawaii! February’s is Azalea, and I want to get it for my mom for Valentine’s Day… but rational thought dictates that she has enough plants to take care of at the farm that she won’t be too keen on keeping a bonsai. But I’m so excited about this… especially the fruit bearing ones. I’ve always loved bonsai, like my curious infatuation with hermit crabs, and carnivorous plants. I wish I had more time to invest in these odd hobbies.

Ah ha! Hobbies! When people ask what my hobbies are, I always feel really lame… Hobbies? What are those? Um, quilting and painting? No! Gardening odd things like bonsai and carnivors! Now I know I have hobbies.

This is what people should know about me so that they’ll stop getting me lame presents and wonder why they never see them again. It’s cause I don’t have room to keep a tiny brass clock on my bedside table. Get over it.

If you have kid or are a teachers: Doodle 4 Google.

I think it was rather conceited of Stephen King to rag on Stephenie Meyer and other successful authors. How can he sit through an interview listing writers as “terrible”, “dreadful”, and “downright dull? Here’s to you Mr. King – I’ve never read any of your books! That being said, he’s right about Stephenie – she is not a good writer, and she is a good story teller. However, he was wrong about Rowling, calling her “Jo” like they’re old friends (perhaps they are). She is also not a good writer, yet he claims she is. It’s obvious she invested a lot of time and creativity in Harry Potter, though towards the end I’m convinced she was tired of it and glad to be rid of the story, but that doesn’t make her a particularly good writer. In fact, after reading Twilight, I compared Meyer negatively to Rowling – they’re the same!

Just so you know and won’t be mistaken – I’ve read the books of these two poor writers twice through. Anne Rice, who I believe is a good writer, I could only bear once. I don’t know why this is.

This blog was 6 pages when I wrote it in Word. If only I could have written essays that way. Maybe I would have actually attempted my FC Music Appreciation final. Or… showed up for my Psychology final.

Oh my, Christina and Hunt. The end.

(Not the end, somebody point their iPhone at the screen! I want to know what that piano music was!)

When I was younger, I decided my wedding ring would be white gold. I didn’t like yellow gold; it’s bad and ugly. It was old, 80s, and out of fashion. My mom said I would change my mind. I’ve been wearing a yellow gold ring for the last week and it’s one of the prettiest things I’ve seen. And, the ring I unwittingly picked out and lived unknowingly down the hall from me for a few months while it waited for a potential “Yes” answer that never came was yellow gold, too.

I hate when my mom is right.

No Air by Jordin Sparks (but I thought it was Brandy and RayJ).