It’s been five years since my last venture into pet ownership came to a sudden halt. You know, that time when I went on a vacation with extended family, and they all thought I’d taken my dog to be boarded, but really I took her to be put down; and then I let y’all talk bad about her the whole first part of that trip before I said anything? Yeah, that pet.

After that, I’ve been biding my time. Of course, after hearing about the untimely demise of my own dog, Mom immediately went out and found this thing:

What was she thinking with this hideous mop?? All she does allll daaaay long is sit around and look cute, and whine about how cute she is and how hard her life of table-food and filtered water is. Oh, and she’s spoiled. Have I mentioned that? Anyway, I’m still waiting for her to have some pops so I can have my own mini mop-head.

In the meantime, I have these: Land Hermit Crabs aka Clementine and Aberforth.

What possessed you? people ask me. And then they determine That’s so unlike you, and like you at the same time. You see, there’s always this place in an Earthbound store where they have a giant open-air habitat full of hermit crabs. For years I’ve wanted one. Last year, I even came really close! I did a lot of research and decided they were too much trouble for what I was prepared to do (you know, put out some wee pads, cuddle with a cute furball, and give it a stupid name like Lula Pearl).

But, apparently on August 2, 2008, I forgot why I didn’t get hermit crabs last year. Because I was in Earthbound with my friend Cici when this little girl handed me a crab in a little pink shell, and I took it home with me. After getting home and figuring out that this little guy wasn’t going to be the best candidate for the name Clementine, I went back and got another one.

That’s also how I got the band-aid. Girl crabs are crabby. And that’s not even a joke.