incorrect:
new person: “Oh, you’re that person’s relative? I’m so sorry.”
me: “…”

I hate that put-down disguised as a cheeky greeting.

I like my family. And that’s really not a clever way to meet new people.

correct:
new person: “Oh, you’re such and such’s relative? I love them, they’re wonderful!”
me: “Thanks!”

4th of July, 2010

All Hans said all day was, “Hi, my name is Hans. There are cupcakes!”

I stole this from a Childrenisms group.

Arianna (2.5): I love you one… Mommy, I love you one… I love you one, Mommy!
Mommy (finally catching on): I love you two, baby!

Mochi and I just can’t get it together this summer.

I also burned my arm with steam last night. That’s why I usually stick to baking…

dad: “‘Did they shave them?’ Ha! It’s amazing how someone can be so smart, but so…”
me: “Like, not being able to tell the difference between a coyote and a fox?”
dad: “Who did that?!”
mom: “You.”

Yankee: “Why do they shave the middle of those cows?”
dad: “What?”
Yankee: “Why do they shave their stomachs? What purpose does that serve?”
dad: “What are you talking about?”
Yankee: “Those cows with the white middles!”
dad: “You mean the Oreo cows?”
Yankee: “Yeah, I guess they do look like Oreos.”
dad: “They come that way. They don’t shave them.”
Yankee: “Seriously?”

(Can I say that? Is that offensive?)

So my mom threw a rock at me about a month ago and shattered the end of my finger.

I knew immediately that it was broken, but it never hurt as much as people were telling me it would. I kept expecting adrenaline to wear off and to be writhing in pain. But, I only took pain killers as long as my mom said it was absolutely necessary. They took my fingernail off and gave me 7 stitches. I always wondered why people mentioned how many stitches they got.

It’s because they charge you per stitch.

Just FYI.

I told the doctor it felt like someone was quilting my hand. Overall, it’s been pretty uncomfortable, but not intolerable. The most inconvenient part has been that I work with my hands – quilting and florist stuff.

And it’s hideous.

There’s that.

My mom said, “You don’t even have to wear a band-aid any more.” And I said, “Have you seen it? No one wants to look at that.”

No one believes me when I say what happened. I get a lot of, “What a freak accident!” Not even the doctor believed me. If I had been under age, he probably would have called CPS. He said, “This is what happens when you smash your finger with a hammer… not when a rock hits you.”

Well.

The most amusing thing said thus far has been, “Even MEXICANS know to stop mowing when someone walks by!”